I've tried hard. Even harder than the course I'm pursuing. *But I'm still as unimportant as a worthless piece of rag*

Dear diary,

Why would someone think my words of concern are unpleasant to the ears? How can someone make me feel soooo uncomfortable for being myself, so much so that I have to display the "cold shoulders/cool" attitude that I don't like to show unless I am forced to??????? Is trying to show my best assets a bad thing? Why does she have to think I am such a show off and do the roll eyes which is internationally known as a rude gesture??????? *I am seriously disturbed by that gesture*

I try my best because I want them to feel my sincerity, to know I take my knowledge and skills seriously even if it's as simple as singing a song to them. I don't just sing as I told, I sing with my heart and soul you damn it. But everytime I tried to show a good side, she'll roll her eyes and give me that "There she goes again, trying to show off and all." Such unappreciative actions disheartened me big time.

Seriously WTF is wrong with her??????? What unruly things have I done to deserve such treatments???? Ok fine. I am not holding on anymore, not even if you are my family member, a kin or whatever, fuck it. I really do feel she'll be better off not having me around, very sure about this point. To her, I cause more burden, more stress, more unneeded problems. Fine. Everything I do is not enough, no matter how hard I try to be good to her she ain't seeing it, let alone "feeling" my kindness.

Alright, I'm ending this misery so please don't do things that'll soften my heart again can???? I am already doing what I've planned to do. Ignore, be as colde as I can and just flare up at every chance I get even if it means for no reason. That's basically what I do to cover up other real emotions. Hate me. Hate me as much as you can, so I can give up feeling less guilty.

I am very tired too. Let's end it here. *haiz*

Well, doesn't like me showing off, so I shall type the song instead of singing it.
Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you uuuu, Happy birthday to you.
*Wish you happy always, in whichever way you think is best.*